Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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