I bet he comes in French.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
