so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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