Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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