There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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