Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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