That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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