I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
