Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
