New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
