what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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