Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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