woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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