i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize