I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
