Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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