i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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