On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
