xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
