We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
