hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
