At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
