Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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