Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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