oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
