I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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