You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The Olympian is in my bed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
