so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I didn't notice because vodka
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
