Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
