Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
