What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
