I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
