Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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