So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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