sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
