I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
