So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
