i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
