Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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