Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
