Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
