i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
