This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
