I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
