the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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