there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
