Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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