so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
