Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think my tv is drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
