I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
