Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
