I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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