she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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