I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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