genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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