I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
