There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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