Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
