remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
