If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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