Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
