Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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