I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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