Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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