can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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