I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
