ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am one with the molecules
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
