I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
