And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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