I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
