I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
