is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
