as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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