I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize