I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
