A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
