I just threw up on my dentist
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
