so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
