thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if only i could text you this smell
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
