is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
