So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
