Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
