Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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